My Little Blog for the Third Act of My Gay Life

My Solo Cruise

I had a cruise with my sister planned but due to a family emergency I have to make a decision to either cancel and lose the money or go against my natural instinct and go alone.  The good side is, I have a balcony cabin to myself.  That’s nice.  The bad side is, I am going alone.  And for me, that is a big deal because I’m not the person that is going to walk up and introduce myself or go to the meetups or or even start a conversation in the bar.  If I take this cruise is it going to force me to come out of my shell or am I going to retreat and just spend the time alone?  


I guess time will tell because the first step is to get on that ship and I have decided to go.  Uggghhh!  


9 Days Before the Cruise:

I have watched the videos and talked to Dee and decided I need to go.  I am going to cancel our flights on JSX and drive over instead so I can go the same day we cruise.  I don’t want to start the cruise by staying in a hotel room alone the night before the cruise.  That’s no fun.  


I ordered water for the room tonight though, so I guess it’s a deal.  Not because I spent the money because it is only $7 but because I purchased anything at all.  It makes my decision for me.  I have one week to do as much as I can; work out, eat better, lose my gut.  I get that there isn’t much that can be done in a week, but you never know.  Need to try.  Ha Ha


2 Days Before the Cruise

I am heading home from a business trip today.  I have to go get my covid test this afternoon after I get home and go get new tires today or tomorrow for my truck.  Other than that and packing, I think I am ready to go.  Getting a little nervous about going by myself but I’m trying to plan some alternatives if I am board.  I’m going to bring enough workout clothes to jumpstart my workout routine again.  What better time when I have plenty of time.  If I can get going on the cruise, hopefully it will keep going once I get back.  Working out will also encourage me to eat healthier as well.  I was also going to get a new camera but I think I am just going to use my phone this time and skip bringing all of the camera equipment I usually bring.  


Later: passed the Covid test.  She said no-one had not passed it in weeks and the only people even getting it are doing it for travel.  


I need to learn 3 Card Poker so I can play it on the cruise.  


Day Two of the Cruise


I skipped day one because other than the drive over, getting on board and seeing a show, it was an early night.  I didn’t meet anyone.  Didn’t even talk to a single person.  I have to admit, it was kind of depressing thinking this was my life for the next 7 days.  I just don’t think I am good at this.  Starting a conversation, holding a conversation, it’s just not my thing.  Especially if I’m not immediately interested in you. I know that sounds horrible.  I don’t mean to sound superficial but I guess I am.  


I am getting ready to go have dinner.  Today wasn’t much different.  It was a sea day and other than the game show where I met a couple and another lady and we played together and talked for a quite a while, it’s been kind of a boring day.  I went to the gay meet up but because it was in a main bar, it was hard to tell who was there for the meetup and who was just waiting for dinner.  There was a couple gay couples that were probably there for it but I didn’t know how to just walk up and say, “Hi, I’m David and I’m gay.  Will you be my friend?”  


Okay, going to go have dinner and then see the Elton John show.  There has to be some gay guys there.  


Day Three

We are docked in San Francisco today until 10:00pm.  If you have been on a cruise before you know that nothing on the ship is open when its in port other than food and bars.  The activities are also greatly reduced.  I have basically ate and slept and walked the same route around the ship a hundred times.  I did get off the ship to walk around a little but I just went to Fisherman’s Wharf, walked around and came back.  


They have a comedian tonight.  Guess I will go to that.  I think its going to be another early night.  At sea again tomorrow.  Maybe I should have got off.  Is there an airport in Santa Barbara?  I could get half my vacation back.  




Day Four

Can I please just get off this ship and get home?  Oh my god I wish I could just go home.  This is not the ship for me.  Don’t take that wrong, it’s a nice ship and the people are nice, but its not for me.  Not being able to get food after 10:00 should be a cardinal sin for any cruise ship, I don’t care who your clients are.  Not having anything going on during the day during a sea day is absolutely ridiculous.  I am just so over being on this ship and alone and having no one to talk to.  Its not the ship for me.  I need to find a way back to LA.  I want off this ship.  I never thought I would feel this way about a cruise ship but I just want off.  I want to be home.  


Last Night

Okay, so I skipped a couple nights.  The first one was because there wasn’t anything to write about.  Yesterday was the first fun day.  Went off the ship and went to Mo’s with Cody and Tiffany and then Beth came after work.  Got pretty drunk.  While we were there Tiffany met a couple other guys from the ship so she brought them over.  The young one ended up texting me after I got back on the ship.  Did I give him my number?  Apparently.  Whoops.  It was a different experience.  He is 25 and we have nothing in common.  Most things I mention he has no idea what I am talking about and vice versa.  I never imagined it could be this different.  It actually became annoying and I wanted him to leave.  


That didn’t stop us from getting naked though.  He played the whole, “I need a massage” line.  It’s the line from every porn you watch when you are younger so I get that its the go to line.  In the end, does it ever not work?  After we had some fun we went back to watching the movie we pretended, or I should say I was pretending, to watch.  Apparently he is really into movies and was absolutely watching it.  Second whoops.  


The other big thing though is he didn’t want to cuddle.  That is an issue for me that I didn’t realize was an issue.  I guess I just never knew someone that was adamantly opposed to it.  I give him credit for saying this is who I am and it’s not what I want but its absolutely not what I want.  I’m okay if you don’t want to be intertwined, (although the way me and Kyle intertwines was just hot), but I like the skin on skin.  If that isn’t for you, I respect that, but you aren’t for me.  As a matter of fact, if that is the case, I see no point in staying with you past the sex.  That is just sex.  


After the movie he mentioned being hungry and I suggested he go find a place open to grab some food.  It worked out great.  No point in sleeping with you if we aren’t going to cuddle.  He asked if we could meet up the next day but honestly I had no desire to.  


Our last day was in Ensenada. I have been there enough and had no desire to get off.  He had said he was going to “run some errands”.  Really? What errands do you need to run while you are in Ensenada? Doesn’t matter, but thought it was odd.  I slept a lot, worked a little, watched a movie and walked the ship a couple hundred times. He text when he got back on board and I told him I wanted to see the production show and the game show. I kind of figured that wasn’t his thing but I didn’t want to miss it just to see him and so glad I stuck to my guns.  The show was fucking amazing and hot and I was ready to jack off in front of all the old people in the audience.  It was a great show. Afterwards I wanted sex and I was second guessing my decision to see the 25 year old.    


After the game show I went and watched the piano player for a while and then back to the cabin and he text.  There was quite a bit of back and forth but it never worked out and I didn’t want to be out late so eventually we just excepted the inevitable and called it a night alone.  That was probably for the best.  


The cruise was coming to an end.  Such a contradiction from the last cruise I was on.  It was very cool I was 2 for 2 on the cruise/sex thing but was sorry there wasn’t more of a connection with other people on the cruise.  It is what it is though.  


Another cruise down. I don’t have another one booked until October and that one is with another group.  Need to make sure there are other gay people in our group from there.  I don’t want anyone that may happen to read this to think you shouldn’t go on a cruise alone though.  I just think you need to pick the right cruise line and destination.  You also need to know who you are and if you are the type of person to walk up and talk to people that will make a big difference. Make the decision wisely though.  Be honest with yourself and know if it’s for you before you end up on a seven day cruise that you just wished you could get off of.  In the end, if it doesn’t work out, find a 25 year old and at least have a little fun.