I was recently on a cruise with family and friends, (a pretty large group) and in the process I met a guy.  I didn’t mean to, it was never my intention or even in my thought process that I would meet someone on this cruise or any cruise.  I am 56 years old and had given up on feeling these feelings again.  You can read the whole story about my life before this here.  That isn’t the point of this story though so I will leave that as a separate topic.  

In the end, I met someone on the cruise.  He was cute, adorable, funny, and honestly, just a good person.  He is also 30 so being 56, that doesn’t seem like much of a long term option.  But hey, for a cruise thing, I need to appreciate it for what it was.  This wasn’t just a one night stand though.  We spent 3 nights together.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wanting to hire a moving truck or anything.  My point is that it didn’t seem like just a fling.  If I spent three nights with someone in the real world, that would mean something.  Does it mean the same thing on a cruise or vacation?  Honestly, probably not.  

We didn’t exchange numbers and that was really on purpose.  We both knew what it was and honestly, I have a habit of ruining any type of relationship.  Especially before it actually becomes a relationship.  If nothing else, at 56 I know myself.  I wanted this one to stay a great memory and the one way I could guarantee that is to not have any way to reach him.  And for those of you thinking I could stalk him on Facebook or Insta, he isn’t on either of those for job related reasons so this fell beautifully within my plan of a disconnect.  

That is until I found out my best friend gave him my number and she got his.  Fuck! 

He lives in Houston and I am going there for work next week.  Do I call him?  Do I ask him out?  I really don’t know what to do.  My friends are saying call him but I don’t know.  

I have been listening to Brene’ Brown’s latest book and in the last chapter she talked about defining your values.  She said one of hers was courage because it was the base of so many of her other values.  I understand that.  Courage is the beginning of so many things I want in my life.  Both professional and personally.  One of the things I am the most proud of on the cruise was that I went up to him on the last night as we were both sitting with our own friends in the bar and invited him to join us.  He made his excuses, real or not, but I was very proud I had the courage to do it.  It is something I would have never done before but then would have been upset he didn’t do what I wanted.  I would have waited for him to come to me.  I then went over to him a little later just to chat.  Once again, something I would have never done before.  As a matter of fact, I was so proud I did it, I didn’t even care he kept rejecting me.  

I know what you are thinking… wait, he kept rejecting you the last night but you are going to call him?  I am using that term half jokingly.  I am done thinking I know what someone else is thinking or feeling or guessing for either.  Maybe he was regretting ever sleeping with me or maybe he was falling for me and didn’t want to get rejected by me, (I know I can have that resting bitch face), or maybe he was upset about something else but in the end, it’s probably something I wouldn’t ever think of.  People are complicated but as Brene’ says, “People, People, People… people are just people”.  

Above everything else though, I want to call or text him just to say I did it.  I honestly don’t expect anything to come of it, but I want to know I did it.  

Sireno de Bergerac

One of my best friends, Beth, has been coaching me on what to say when I text him.  

“Hey, I’m in Houston.  Wanna grab a drink?”

At this point she interjects and says, “Just be casual.  No pressure.”  She knows me.  I love that and hate that.  

“Hey… had a fun time on the cruise.  Wouldn’t mind seeing you again.  You free on Tuesday?”

I interject and explain that I kind of need to text him the day before I get there so I can make sure my co-workers know I won’t be joining them for dinner and that I can’t really do Tuesday… 

At that point she gives up and just says, “you got this”.  

The Test

I want to text him now and let him know I am going to be there and see if he wants to go out.  I want to know one way or another.  The suspense is the killer.  In the past, that has actually been one of my reasons for just confronting the issue and forcing the decision before it needed to be made.  I often feel bad for feeling this way because it is treated as if I am the “stalker”, the “needy one”, the “insecure one”.  I am starting to realize that isn’t the case.  It’s not that I need this person.  I just like them for what I know.  That could change, that could grow, it could be so much more, or it could be nothing.  I am okay with any of those options but in the end, I want to put myself out there with no regrets, with no guilt, with NO SHAME.  

I have been trying to think of what to say. Should I just be all casual and normal or cute or funny?  

Hey Kyle, it’s David from the Cruise.  Hope you don’t mind that Beth gave me your number.  I’m traveling to Houston for work this week.  Would you be up to having dinner or

Hey Kyle, it’s David from the Cruise.  I’m in town…

Scratch that.  I have a better line.  But I have to explain it first.  

The first night we were together, as we were in his cabin, kissing and well, more, the clothes started coming off.  I had to break out of the moment to explain something and prepare him.  I have vitiligo.  This is a skin disorder where you lose the pigment in your skin and hair.  I have patches of white skin and hair on my arms and a little on my legs.  I wanted him to know it wasn’t just on my arms and legs, that it had also developed in other areas.  I have a patch in the middle of my chest that is just white.  The most drastic example though, and quite honestly the funniest, is around my package.  It is a mixture of my normal brown color and white skin and hair.  The funny part is the normal color around my package is in the shape of The Batman shield.  It is actually funny and I told him that.  He laughed, said it was fine and we proceeded with nothing else being said about it.  

The last night we were together, once again the clothes came off.  His mouth worked his way down my body and right as his head passed my belly button I heard him say in that familiar raspy voice from every Batman movie every made, “I’m Batman”.  Oh my god, I couldn’t help it, I busted up.  It was priceless and make me like him even more.  

Which leads me back to the text he I want to send him.  

“Hey Kyle, it’s Batman.  I’m going to be in Houston next week.  Are you up for a drink or dinner on Tuesday?”

The Ghost

The text was sent yesterday about noon.  It’s been 24 hours and since I haven’t heard from him, I think it is safe to say, there won’t be a response.  

I guess that answers my original questions, at least in this case.  Nope, vacation sex is just vacation sex.  

One Final Response

It’s been two days since I text him and received a response today that said “it’s my busiest school week of the year so I won’t be able to meet up this week”.  Why would he even text if that is all you are going to say?  Unless he is planning to talk to Julianna or Beth again.  Either way, I am done.  I didn’t respond and deleted his phone number.  Honestly, if he would have sounded like he was at least a bit interested in seeing me but just couldn’t make it work, I would have left it open but I’m done.  It proves my thought process I originally had and should have left it as a good memory.